Oh I wanted to thank you Georgia for educating me. I had no idea that there was an idea called Illucintation. A mix of illusion and hallucination it talks about the human condition with the slant being that the world is becoming less human. Thanks for the word and the chance to learn!

Your right, Franklin, that joke sucked! LOL

Georgia, there's always Soylent Green!

"IT'S PEOPLE!"

"DAMN YOU FILTHY APES! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" Oops. Sorry, wrong movie.

Oh well! we arnt all perfect and the stress i've had today with this site having time troubles and fazing in out and out with dicky intremet
a little indisgreet speling errer is the leest of my worrys.
Mine's a very large brandy with another to follow and that colour is a liquid brown.lol
I love the joke page but havent got time to read it all now what a shame!
I gotta go to private view , more drink to consume.

I promise I will not write anything when I come back just read but by then there should be enough jokes keep me going all night.
Keep hm comming gang i havnt giggled so much in years
Cheers!!!

This lounge is evolving to be like real lounges! There is silliness, seriousness, and apparently a fair amount of real drinking!

There was doubt about the drinking? Every artist I've ever met could tilt a glass, in some capacity, or other.

LOL...eating is overrated....I LOVED THAT LINE!...THANK YOU ALL!

There's more where that came from. lol

Well I think i need hair of the dog,those brandies went down too easily last night. I am suffering a bit today especially with all that belly laughter from the joke room ;which seems to be spilling over into the lounge.
I love what a wicked way to spend lunch hour.

Anyone pass out yet?

too bad we do not talk in real time. We could have a horrible drinking game. Like every time someone says Dali you have to drink, Heh.

But no, I haven't passed out!!!

Burning man with Penguin
[Click image for larger version]

Unfortunately, Franklin, nobody says Dali anymore. But we could sure get plowed on the anime/yaoi/naruto game.

Since we're on the subject of surrealism, thought I'd hang my latest upload in here. Looks a little stark.


Figured these jokes would be more fitting in here:




The Value of a Drink



"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~



"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~



"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, w e go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~



"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
_________________

LOL:..am about to pass out Joseph...LOL :p

Hell! at this hour...IM ABOUT TO BE "MARCELA ON THE ROCKS" LOL

well Joseph youve done it again put a smile on my face,on such a lousy day gail force winds with torrential rain.
I do so enjoy logging on to vooddoo nowadays such a laugh.
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
This ones my fave

And this one I am going to try and rember its wicked

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
This one!
sorry folks I goofed the sumbmit and Im only on coffee. Phew!

It made me think about something Winston Churchill said to woman ( cant remember her name maybe someone can help)

"My dear you say Im drunk but I will be sober in the morning but you will still be ugly"

Well thats the geest of it anyway.

Robert Blake(at the time, star of popular TV series Baretta, and, currently, exonerated celebrity wife-killer) remarked to Orson Welles on the Tonight Show, that he was fat. To which Welles replied "Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly. I can lose weight!"

Probably an explanation for why you never see more than 1 celebrity interviewed on talk shows anymore.

What a great list of jokes about drinking Joseph! Very nice.
Much like one of your jokes explains about alcohol, I gave up eating natural foods when I found out that 90% of people die of natural causes.

yer, for gods sake don't go chopping up veg with the grim reaper, you'll be dicing with death.

modern life eh? why is every thing so difficult? where I live even the water is hard..I went to a bookshop and asked the saleswoman: "Where's the self-help section?" She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

i'm wondering, is the site running slow this morning or is it me in my wretched state of needing the hair of the dog?

anyway, a string goes into a bar, bellies up and says to the bartender "gimme a jack daniels on the rock". the bartender looks sharply at him and answers, "we don't serve strings here."

frustrated, but not wanting to make a scene, the string slides off his stool and quietly goes back outside where he throws himself down on the ground, flails around frantically and gets himself pretty tangled and scuffed up.

then he goes back in the bar and repeats to the bartender, "i want jack daniels on the rocks". again the bartender scowls at him and says, "i told you we don't serve strings here and aren't you a string?" to which the string replies, " i'm a frayed knot!"

I hadn't heard that one before. I love puns and play on word types of jokes.